Lost memories. And grieving

Do you have any missing memories of your parents? I lost my dad almost 4 years ago. The last interaction with him was when my sister took us to the psychiatrist. I was using his phone because I had a had a really old phone. I ended up taking it home with me. Haha I realized after we had dropped him off. My sister dropped it off to him later on. I called him later and apologized and all He could do was laugh. I keep thinking about that episode of HIMYM where Marshall’s dad died and the entire episode he keeps trying to remember his last conversation. I remember what I said to him but I don’t remember what was the last thing I said to him. It is all so much to take in. I haven’t properly grieved because I try to be the strong one for my family. I’m the oldest son. But sometimes I feel so small. I also take it hard because it is so close to my birthday. 10 days to be exact. It’s so sad. Anyway. I’m gonna be my unique self and go do my radio show and make my family proud for what I do.


What to say about 2018?

So. 2018 what to say about you? You gave me new friends. You gave me a new place to call home, you gave me a new look on life and a purpose. You saw me break my foot, you took my grandmother as well. I have some of the best memories of my friends and family from 2018. Getting to spend more time with my brother and sister and mom. Getting to celebrate my grandmother’s last birthday on the earth. And the coolest one, 85! And I got to join an organization that gives me so much opportunity for my career!!! I’m so proud of myself for the things I have accomplished this year. I have hope that 2019 will be amazing!!!!! It is more time to spend with my various social groups as well as conquer my book goal correctly lol I got to 46 (probably 47 by tonight, by tonight) I have an incredible opportunity to make a difference during pride 50(and this means I’m helping out with programming at school in honor of the 50th anniversary of the stonewall riots.) 2018 has brought me some amazing memories and some sad ones but I don’t see how this year could beat the others!!! ❤ I’m proud and I love my family and friends and can’t wait to create new memories!!!!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!!

How I got to become friends with people who I was a fan of.

This year I got to spend time and meet some amazing people from all types of social groups. I want to highlight one group in particular.

I went to an event in February, it was 6 days before I turned 24. It was a last minute thing that I decided to do because someone else had an Extra ticket so I decided to go. I was so excited. So what happened was I went to the Acquired taste show in Hoboken. Maybe an hour and a half from my house(I live in Staten Island so it’s a bit of a trek). The live podcast was amazing. Everyone was so funny, and everyone got a chance to talk with the girls and finally got to meet Ms. Long, Pale, and Beautiful, Bethany Watson, a woman who is after my own heart with her nerdy references and someone who I looked up to for years before I met her. She was so kind and I was happy to meet her. Then 2 days pass by and we get a “Family announcement” post from the Elvis Duran morning show Instagram page, and at 7 am we hear the news, Bethany is leaving.

Everyone is so sad and worried, we all are like a support group in the Elvis Duran and Acquired taste groups, crying, posting our favorite moments from Bethany and our favorite phone taps and freaking out not knowing where this podcast was going to go. But we made it to Friday, her last day, I was called by the phone producer Yaritza because I wanted to be the first caller of the day and say goodbye because Bethany has been an inspiration in my life. I cried on the radio lmao.

And then the Acquired taste Facebook group has grown to be an amazing community of like minded people who love and support each other. And Mac has been a huge part of that success and I am the person that listens to her haha.

So, the podcast continued on in the best way and as well, the podcast community grew so much. In August, I went to a birthday party for Sam. Some of the Acquired taste peeps met the night before at the Elvis Duran summer bash. And so we went the next night to celebrate our Samantha. Mac planned a card giveaway where we would send out cards to sam for her 27th birthday and she was floored by the amount of love she got from everyone!!!! She had so much appreciation for the cards and then we also organized a donation for north shore animal league in her name. She appreciated it all. That night I also had the opportunity to see Bethany in a different light. And know her as a human and by the time I left, a friend. She was having a bad night and so I hung out with her all night to make sure she was okay. I feel so happy that I got to hang out with them and know them as people not just voices out in the abyss. I am always trying to find ways to make a difference. Basically, this year was a hell of a year. It Started out with a awesome move back to my hometown. Then I had a pretty normal year and then everything hit me at once. My grandmother passed away in June, I broke my foot in June and then I was not able to go back to work. Always there with me through all the struggles was the Acquired taste. That’s why I find it so amazing. I got to meet the girls and become their friend. Which I am really happy I did. Ladies you rock. Bethany specifically, you are my rock, Kathleen, you are such an inspiration in everything I do and Samantha, I hope you end up coming back to the podcast one day. I miss your sprightly voice haha. This community is where I spend half my day. I love it….<3. Anyway enough of the mushy, 2018 was a long year for everyone and I think it needs to be said that the Acquired taste community has seen all kinds of crazy stuff. lol y’all rock. Love you. Can’t wait to see what 2019 brings!!!!!

A Trump Christmas carol

“Are there no prisons? Are there no Workhouses?”

The only thing I can say about the president is that he doesn’t care about what happens to anyone except him. If a child is without their parents for the holidays because of his doing, they shouldn’t have made the decision to break the law. Who cares that millions of Americans are not able to work because they were laid off due to the government shutdown? He doesn’t.

“I wear the chain I forged in life,” replied the Ghost. “I made it link by link, and yard by yard; I girded it on of my own free-will, and of my own free-will I wore it. Is its pattern strange to you” the weight and length of the strong coil you bear yourself? It was full as heavy and as long as this, seven Christmas-eves ago. You have laboured on it since. It is a ponderous chain!”

I pray that trump understands that all he has done is bad and how much he hurts people. Trump is probably worse than Scrooge? I want him to wake up on Christmas Day and realize that he should dedicate his life to good and not hurting people. This time of year reminds me of how much we need to take care of each other and we have the obligation to help others. We should have the compassion and empathy for the humans in our world and community. If you think that this holiday season we don’t need to change and help, you are sadly mistaken. Make a change this year. Smile at people, wish everyone you pass by on the street a merry Christmas. Show kindness to everybody. You can do it. Merry Christmas.

Here is something I did make because it is important to make things

Haha so, I’m hating that I have not posted here in such a long time and like every time I post something, it’s always something promoting myself. But I guess it is a way of self care to post stuff and create in different ways. So I made a short film with the help of my friends. My friend Darcie have me her life rights haha and we talked about how to make a film about her complicated love life in a polyamorous relationship. So here is that film. It’s called The Darcie Project. And I hope you enjoy it as much as I loved making it!!!!

Also, I never posted it here but I’m doing a radio show on WSIA 88.9 FM in Staten Island!

So I have 2 air shifts a week Monday and Wednesday from 9-11 am. I’m so happy that I am going to work in radio because this station is such a stepping stone in the right direction!!!! I’m a radio nerd and I’m a com student so I am literally doing this because i love it!!!!

You can listen at http://wsia.fm or on the TuneIn app or on 88.9 fm in Staten Island, Brooklyn, Jersey and a little bit of Manhattan

Hello world, I’ve come out to see my shadow??(wait that’s too early) but I do have some good news!!!

Meet the person I’m currently seeing. He is really cute. Sorta nerdy and his smile is infectious.

I am not easily excited about things to happen in my life, for some reason maybe because of anxiety. But you have no idea how much happier I am about something new and exciting happening in my life. It is so cool to have someone who is really into me and like holds hands and stuff. I’m so happy for what I have. Next date should be fun!

I am so fed up with the climate of political discourse…

IF SOMEBODY SENDS A BOMB JUST APOLOGIZE FOR THE ACTIONS OF THE PERPETRATORS. Hold them accountable for their actions. We need to stop with the shock value comments where people say “well there was a Republican Congressman who was shot at a baseball game, that was sad too.” It’s irresponsible as a president and as a human being. If any of those people sent the bombs were hurt. Who would they point fingers at? You. You are responsible for this almost tragedy. 15 bombs were sent this week.

The Clintons

The Obamas

George Soros

Tom Steyer

Senator Kamala Harris

Representative Maxine Waters(2 were addressed to her)

Joe Biden(2 were sent to him)


Senator Cory Booker

Former director of intelligence James Clapper

Former Attorney general Eric Holder

Former CIA director John Brennan

We have had a long week and the president has not denounced the actions following the news that the bomb suspect was a super-trump fan. He just doesn’t understand how to make something positive of a bad situation. We have a domestic terror problem. And this morning we heard of another story of hatred where a man walked into a synagogue and shot it up. And among the news of the pipe bombs sent to democrats, there was a big story about a man who tried to gain entrance to a black church in Alabama and couldn’t get in and then walked to a Kroger and shot 2 black people. And told a passerby “don’t shoot, whites don’t kill whites.” Because this is trump’s America where people on one side can be sent bombs and are told that they are the perpetrators of attacks on themselves. It’s the most outrageous thing I’ve ever heard and I’m so confused. Anyway I’m gonna go relax and read. Enjoy your weekend!!!!

Kavanaugh is going to be confirmed to the Supreme Court and I don’t understand how.

In my life, I’ve seen some bad decisions. But this one is far beyond the scope of what I believe is right and just. Dr. Christine Blassey-Ford was made a mockery of at her senate hearing and with Senator Flake calling for an FBI investigation that literally just helped to further the victim’s pain and suffering. And it did nothing to sway any members of the senate from voting. Because our the politicians in the country do not care about their people or how we live, they care about themselves and the beliefs they follow. Anything else, including: Human Dignity, or even the General welfare of females in America, they put their party in front of that. I am ashamed of the country I call home. We are the most powerful country in the world and now we just helped get a fucking predator onto a lifetime appointment to the Supreme Court. This country is a joke and I don’t care about how people think. I know that it is because why else would the senate delay the vote only for it to go through anyway. It’s all a smoke screen and they don’t care about their actions or the consequences the actions have. I’m so angry and I don’t know how to make it rational. I want people to believe sexual assault victims and be there to help comfort people in their time. Dr. Ford is a hero in the country Tonight, no matter what the outcome of the vote is. I will believe her over anyone else. Please if you want to help victims of sexual assault, please donate to RAINN (The Rape Abuse, and Incest National Network) this organization helps run the National Sexual Assault Hotline. And if you need help, reach out, the number for the hotline is 1-800-656-4673

We believe you

What it’s like to live somewhere when you are a kid and move back when you are an adult.

I’m a pretty mature adult. And I’m not just saying that because I’m trying to impress someone haha. But I do feel like with the life experience I’ve had since I moved away from Staten Island, it’s so strange to move back to a place that you seemed to be “banished from” only to have a completely different view of it. Life is different. I’m 24 and I’m finishing my degree. I took 3 years off school to help my family. My mother always tells me “you were George Bailey. You were Left holding the bag after your father died” I am a grown man and I don’t understand how 7 years has passed by me so quickly. But to be forced out of the only city you know in senior year and transplanted to the middle of nowhere. I don’t think you want to hear me rant more but I don’t feel the same way I used to. It’s so different but I have family here and I have friends. I know people who live here and I made new friends at the college of Staten Island. I’m so confused about how I was gifted such a great hand after all the shit I had to go through and I am also feeling so overwhelmed because I want people to know that if you leave some place when you are a kid, the experience will be 100% different if you move back as an adult. I promise you. Anyway. Having a lot of introspection lately. And I’m putting my life in perspective. I realized that I need to make the best of what I have right now because it could be gone. I had a bad dream about Elvis Duran dying and it really affected me. I woke up and was devastated because I didn’t know what that had to do with my life. But it could be so many things that I don’t understand. Anyway. Im gonna end my rant now because im starting to have a meta experience and It’s hurting my Brain. TTFN